Hello, Melancholy!

1 Peter 5: 6-7: Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.

Last Thursday, my hubby came in the bedroom and interrupted me in the middle of my class just to break THE news: he's leaving on the 23rd at 10:40 in the morning for Qatar. It was an answered prayer, and indeed a fast one. Last Wednesday, in between my bathroom break, I remember I was sitting in the sofa crying my heart out and contemplating about my career which has been so harshly overwhelming for me lately. For months all I did was complain about every single bit of the things about my job and the unforeseen: the kids' slacken improvement in the class, my domineering client, my lower back pains and more of my endless discomforts of my pregnancy, unforgiving weather, fickle Internet connection and power interruption...the list goes on. In tears, I prayed, "Lord, if this isn't the right time for Mike to leave yet, then change my heart about my job." A few minutes later, my hubby came up to me and saw my sobbing. I honestly didn't want him to see me like this; I've seen how persistent he was to follow-up with the processing of his papers just so he could go back to Qatar as soon as possible and start working again. I don't want to put any pressure on him, but, it was too late. The good thing was, when he came up to me, he tried to be as understanding as a husband could ever be. He consoled and reassured me that once he gets the plane ticket, I can quit my job anytime I wanted to. I didn't retort though, 'cos I didn't know what to say to him. As soon as my bathroom break was over, I headed right back to my class and did the usual stuff. 

After my class, my thoughts started to wander. At the back of my head, I know for a fact that when Mike leaves, it's for our own good; we can start saving for a place we can finally call our own; I can quit my job, like he said, and take a months' rest before my due date. BUT he'll be gone FOR MONTHS, which means he will definitely miss out: my giving birth to our second bundle of joy; spending Christmas and New Year with us (once again); celebrating our wedding anniversary, his 31st birthday, Jadon's birthday and my birthday. When will all this stress ever come to an end?

Friday morning. The day before his departure. It's funny when you know that special someone is about to leave, you realize how relevant the title of a song, "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda" is to how you feel. Darn! I hate this feeling. "I could have done this, done that...said this, said that...showed this, showed that..." Then you vow to yourself that you'll do better next time, just so you'd stop from sulking.

As soon as I got out of our bed, I initially planned on taking a leave from work and spend this day with my son and him but eventually, I was forced to because I had a bout of pain in the back (again!). I took a rest the whole morning then, after lunch we went to a supermarket and bought his few toiletries to bring. As soon as we got back home, I offered to organize his stuffs in his not-so-big luggage and I (ehem!) was so proud of how well I managed to keep all his stuffs in. Meanwhile Jadon and his daddy were busy spending their quality time together. Then finally, 'twas time for bed. Half awake (yeah, blame it on my hormones), I heard Mike whisper in our son's ear, "Jadon, alagaan mo si Mommy tsaka si baby ha?" (Jadon, you take care of mommy and the baby, okay?) I got misty-eyed. Then, to me he said, "Bhe, alis na 'ko bukas. Mag-ipon na tayo ngayon." (Bhe, I'm leaving tomorrow. Let's save up this time.) No, those weren't the most romantic words I was expecting from him, and no, I wasn't that letdown not to hear it. I actually did anticipate it from him, knowing that he's not that kind of guy who'd open up to how he really feels. But I know deep down he wanted to, so he just sent his real message across by giving me a heartening touch or two. 

Saturday, 8:00 A.M. I woke up to find Mike frantically preparing for his 10:40 A.M. flight. He could not stop asking me, "Did I forget something?" for the last 15 minutes of my first few "just woke up" time. Half an hour later, he kissed Jadon who, still in slumber at that time, then we finally exchanged our tight hugs and kisses and bade goodbye. I decided not to escort him to the door, not because I'm still sleepy, but because I don't have the courage to do so without shedding a tear. I do not even want my in-laws to see me getting all emotional too! So, when he finally left the house, I got back in bed, trying to hold back my tears. I failed though. I am definitely going to miss him: how he deals with my crankiness, when he instantly cooks another dish for me whenever I don't feel like eating "Paksiw" or "Sinabawang Isda", when he instantly wakes up in the middle of the night whenever I'm having a spell of leg cramps or backaches and I needed a good massage, and how he spends quality time with Jadon.

Nothing to worry about though, this is just for the time being. I will be fine in a week or so, two weeks tops. I pray that this time will be the start of a promising tomorrow for us. For as long as I hold on to His promise, I will be fine.