Charles Burowski's SO YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER?

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.


if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

photo credit: try2write

Hello, Melancholy!

1 Peter 5: 6-7: Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.

Last Thursday, my hubby came in the bedroom and interrupted me in the middle of my class just to break THE news: he's leaving on the 23rd at 10:40 in the morning for Qatar. It was an answered prayer, and indeed a fast one. Last Wednesday, in between my bathroom break, I remember I was sitting in the sofa crying my heart out and contemplating about my career which has been so harshly overwhelming for me lately. For months all I did was complain about every single bit of the things about my job and the unforeseen: the kids' slacken improvement in the class, my domineering client, my lower back pains and more of my endless discomforts of my pregnancy, unforgiving weather, fickle Internet connection and power interruption...the list goes on. In tears, I prayed, "Lord, if this isn't the right time for Mike to leave yet, then change my heart about my job." A few minutes later, my hubby came up to me and saw my sobbing. I honestly didn't want him to see me like this; I've seen how persistent he was to follow-up with the processing of his papers just so he could go back to Qatar as soon as possible and start working again. I don't want to put any pressure on him, but, it was too late. The good thing was, when he came up to me, he tried to be as understanding as a husband could ever be. He consoled and reassured me that once he gets the plane ticket, I can quit my job anytime I wanted to. I didn't retort though, 'cos I didn't know what to say to him. As soon as my bathroom break was over, I headed right back to my class and did the usual stuff. 

After my class, my thoughts started to wander. At the back of my head, I know for a fact that when Mike leaves, it's for our own good; we can start saving for a place we can finally call our own; I can quit my job, like he said, and take a months' rest before my due date. BUT he'll be gone FOR MONTHS, which means he will definitely miss out: my giving birth to our second bundle of joy; spending Christmas and New Year with us (once again); celebrating our wedding anniversary, his 31st birthday, Jadon's birthday and my birthday. When will all this stress ever come to an end?

Friday morning. The day before his departure. It's funny when you know that special someone is about to leave, you realize how relevant the title of a song, "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda" is to how you feel. Darn! I hate this feeling. "I could have done this, done that...said this, said that...showed this, showed that..." Then you vow to yourself that you'll do better next time, just so you'd stop from sulking.

As soon as I got out of our bed, I initially planned on taking a leave from work and spend this day with my son and him but eventually, I was forced to because I had a bout of pain in the back (again!). I took a rest the whole morning then, after lunch we went to a supermarket and bought his few toiletries to bring. As soon as we got back home, I offered to organize his stuffs in his not-so-big luggage and I (ehem!) was so proud of how well I managed to keep all his stuffs in. Meanwhile Jadon and his daddy were busy spending their quality time together. Then finally, 'twas time for bed. Half awake (yeah, blame it on my hormones), I heard Mike whisper in our son's ear, "Jadon, alagaan mo si Mommy tsaka si baby ha?" (Jadon, you take care of mommy and the baby, okay?) I got misty-eyed. Then, to me he said, "Bhe, alis na 'ko bukas. Mag-ipon na tayo ngayon." (Bhe, I'm leaving tomorrow. Let's save up this time.) No, those weren't the most romantic words I was expecting from him, and no, I wasn't that letdown not to hear it. I actually did anticipate it from him, knowing that he's not that kind of guy who'd open up to how he really feels. But I know deep down he wanted to, so he just sent his real message across by giving me a heartening touch or two. 

Saturday, 8:00 A.M. I woke up to find Mike frantically preparing for his 10:40 A.M. flight. He could not stop asking me, "Did I forget something?" for the last 15 minutes of my first few "just woke up" time. Half an hour later, he kissed Jadon who, still in slumber at that time, then we finally exchanged our tight hugs and kisses and bade goodbye. I decided not to escort him to the door, not because I'm still sleepy, but because I don't have the courage to do so without shedding a tear. I do not even want my in-laws to see me getting all emotional too! So, when he finally left the house, I got back in bed, trying to hold back my tears. I failed though. I am definitely going to miss him: how he deals with my crankiness, when he instantly cooks another dish for me whenever I don't feel like eating "Paksiw" or "Sinabawang Isda", when he instantly wakes up in the middle of the night whenever I'm having a spell of leg cramps or backaches and I needed a good massage, and how he spends quality time with Jadon.

Nothing to worry about though, this is just for the time being. I will be fine in a week or so, two weeks tops. I pray that this time will be the start of a promising tomorrow for us. For as long as I hold on to His promise, I will be fine. 

Anne Rice' ADVICE TO A NEW WRITER

There are no rules in this profession. Do what is good for you. Read books and watch films that stimulate your writing. In your writing, go where the pain is; go where the pleasure is; go where the excitement is. Believe in your own original approach, voice, characters, story. Ignore critics. HAVE NERVE. BE STUBBORN.

(credits to Bones Joven for originally posting this on her Facebook's Notes)

Queen Size of Whatnots

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus

The last time I let my creative juices flowing was when I was still in college. I was 19; back then, our dear, college professor, who was so hard to please asked us to write something about our thoughts in life. As soon as our class was dismissed, I was pretty excited to start, thinking it was going to be easy for me to write about it. When you're melancholic, not to mention a number of personal journals I've been keeping since I was 13, it's even better to write what life means to you.

So I went home motivated to write about the things I knew about life. After 4 hours of composing what's in my head, I finally decided to call it a day with a smile of fulfillment. When the day came for us to submit our homework, I had mixed emotions; excited because I thought I knew I did better and nervous because I was hoping my professor would like it. But when our professor handed back our works and called our names one by one the next day, I was let down. Our professor was mum, deadpan. It was very safe for me to presume and say at that time that again, nobody, not even one in our class make the grade.

Then came the unexpected yet one of my most fateful day. A few years later, our photography class had an out of town project. On the second night of our trip, our good ol' professor (he's our professor in most of our major subjects, by the way) and our class camped out. He then shared his two cents worth and started commending a few of my classmates whom he thought was noteworthy and had shown its potential. He kept up with describing the rest of the class' personality. When it was finally my turn on the hot seat, I was taken aback! So, my professor did notice all along. I can still recall every single bit of nice things he has said about me, particularly my passion for writing. Yes, I know that did not definitely make it to the headlines, but for me, his praises were enough for me to pursue what my life long dream is as soon as I finish college: to write.

And so came graduation; then started working a few weeks later, but it wasn't somewhere I can pursue my love for writing, not even close. For the past 8 years of my career, I haven't gotten a chance to put my writing skills into action until it died down. You see, it's easier to give up on your dream when you get caught on either of these things: when you're living a charmed life, OR when reality bites and you see the downsides to it.

"What is not started today is never finished tomorrow." -  Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Just when I thought my love for writing has fizzled, I came across Reiann's blog. My it served as a realization. Everything she had written was right. You have to make a couple of mistakes to get things right.  "You never get anything perfect in the first draft." Sure, coming up with a hundred excuses from time to time is plausible; more often than not you'll have the writer's block, but keep this in mind: it took 10,000 tries before Thomas Edison finally gets his incandescent bulb working. So get your pen and your hands working. Write, write, write!